- by Amanda Brooks Baker
On my way back from the athletic club this afternoon, I was making my way across 86th Street driving west. I was in search of some food to pick up on the way to my spa appointment. I only like to eat healthy food after a vigorous work out, so I chose to stop at one of those wraps stores that have opened up all over the town recently. They cater to "Trixie In Training" level girls who just moved into the Village and haven't a thing to cook in their small kitchens. Most of the ladies of my caliber usually cook in our large, expansive kitchens, and only take out when we're on the run, and can truly benefit from it.
Anyway, as I was turning left onto Westfield at 86th Street, this guy in a big nasty beater car runs me off the road! Thinking quickly, I jammed my hand onto the Jetta's horn, and took off after him.
I believe strongly in the horn treatment, which is carried out by staying on the butt of someone who does something stupid to you on the street, and laying on the horn for at least one minute, if not longer. At about 30 to 40 seconds, the offender starts to get extraordinarily pissed, which serves them right for messing with you.
Just make sure not to give the horn treatment when there is a cop around, because he might mess with you for causing a public nuisance, even though the real nuisance is the idiot who you were honking at in the first place.
If a cop hassles you, give him the Sweetheart Treatment (which, for the benefit of you younger Trixies, is exactly opposite from the Magic Box treatment) and he will let you go without any problem (unless he is a she ... in which case this usually results in a ticket).
That's all for this week's Jetta Column.
Good luck this week navigating your way around our lovely Village!
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