The Man Who Did Not Belong

- by Amanda Brooks Baker

Today I was driving down Illinois near Westfield, on my way to get some coffee and then off to my spa appointment at Studio 2000 in the Circle Tower building downtown. As I approached the intersection, I noticed that my best friend Melissa was going the opposite way up Illinois.

Now let me tell you a little something about Melissa. She is my best friend in the world. We both moved to Broad Ripple after graduating college. Melissa loves to drive her boyfriend's Range Rover all around the village for hours. Typically she will drive the Kessler-College-86th Street-Westfield rectangle, with little stops here and there when she notices a nice boutique or a Starbucks.

I quickly honked the horn of my Jetta, and waved at Melissa. But when I stopped the car for just one second or two to ask Melissa if she and her boyfriend Jake were ever going to get married, this irate man in a big truck, who was just behind my Jetta, started to honk. Now, let me tell you, this guy did NOT look like he should be in Broad Ripple, much less honk at me for any reason! I turned my head around quickly and gave him a dirty glance and then proceeded to tell Melissa that I'd see her soon at Midtown Grill or somewhere, and that I hoped she had a nice afternoon out in the Village.

Unfortunately, the peace and serenity didn't last more than another three seconds before that idiot in the truck behind me started leaning on the horn again. He must have held it solid for 25 or 30 seconds. How annoying was that?!? I really started to get pissed, and turned around and gave him another dirty glance. The light had changed to red while I was talking to Melissa, so what right did he have to honk at me now? We had missed the green light anyway so we would all have to wait patiently for another few minutes.

Well, you get the story. The moral of this week's JETTA is this: Ladies, don't put up with any crap from people in Broad Ripple who don't look like they belong. How can you tell if they don't belong? Just run down my handy checklist:

1. They aren't your boyfriend/fiancé/husband, or any of his friends or associates.
2. They aren't related to you, or they are not friends of your family.
3. They aren't an identifiable friend of yours or anyone from your work.

The only exception to this rule, in my book, is if someone looks important enough that you would perhaps like to make their acquaintance at a social event.

Good luck this week navigating your way around our lovely Village!

Society Member Kelsey Novotny Reports Poor Service at CT Peppers - Plans to File Charges

July 15, 2007, 3:30 pm -- Kelsey Novotny, 26, and a group of friends received poor service at CT Peppers located at College Ave and Broad Ripple Ave next door to the Vogue.

"Well, me and Hilly and Abbey all came in Sunday afternoon for a late lunch. And right away this girl was all attitude. I asked her for an ice tea with lemon and she brought the tea .... WITHOUT LEMON. When told her my silverware was dirty it took her, like, three days to bring me new utensils. I ordered the chicken Caesar salad with the lite dressing on the side. She brings the salad without the dressing on the side ... I mean, how am I supposed to eat all that dry greenage? What do I look like? An ungulate? And when she finally does bring it, I'm pretty sure it wasn't lite. I could see the fat just glistening in that little plastic cup. Plus, I'm pretty sure she was looking at Hilly's breasts the whole time. It was just awful. And she was all arty-looking, too, with a lip ring and blue streaks in her hair, all stinky with patchouli. Probably some art major at Herron or something."

"She was just a difficult customer," says server Haley Owen, 21, a visual art major at Herron. "It was my first day and I was still getting used to everything. I made a few mistakes but I was quick and polite the whole time ... even when I heard her call me a "skank" under her breath as I left the table one time. When I brought the check, she asked to see the manager and things just got completely out of hand."

When the manager came over, Novotny demanded free meals for her and her friends.

"The manager offered to comp my meal, but said he wasn't going to comp Hilly and Abbey. I was shouting at him too, giving him my best dirty look. He wouldn't budge. I was all like, f*** this, you obviously don't know who you're dealing with, I'm calling the cops on your ass. So I whipped out my cell phone and dialed 911."

The police arrived on scene and attempted to mediate the
 situation. Finally, a compromise was reached: Novotny and her friends agreed to pay only half of the total accumulated bill if Owen was fired on the spot.

"I thought [manager] Dan should've stood up for me," says Owen. "But he just caved in to the cops and these three classless girls. Luckily, my friend Duncan works at the Jazz Kitchen down the street and he says they're hiring so I should be okay. But it's wrong that women like this can just twist everyone to get their way. This experience, as unpleasant as it was, is perfect fodder for my art. I'm working this whole expereince into a centerpiece for my one-woman show, 'The Dildo Diaries: Musings of a Twenty First Century Glamour-Slave' I perform most of the third act of the show entirely nude while drinking Goya coconut milk straight from the can. It's intended to point a satirical finger at expectations of womens' traditional gender rolls at the beginning of the new millennium. It's very insightful."

When told of Owen's comments, Kelsey Novotny replied, "She should really keep her mouth shut. My boyfriend, Jon -- he's a lawyer -- is looking to file a civil suit against her. She's just digging a hole for herself."

"The number of these incidents has been growing in the past few months," says Detective Andy Panozzi of the IMPD. "It's just a sad situation. The service has been getting worse and worse in Village restaurants. Technically, we can't arrest a waitress for being bad at her job -- although, I'll tell you, I wish to God we could sometimes. Never eat somewhere that you don't feel safe, we say. And, if they do and receive poor service, we tell the girls to just act cool, pay up but don't leave a tip. Lesson learned for both parties. And put the word out on the street about that particular place, 'This is a bad restaurant.' People will go, 'Okay,' stop coming, the restaurant will close, and maybe someone will open up a place with good service in its place. We also suggest that the girls think about shopping at some of the supermarkets that offer prepared foods -- Fresh Market, Whole Foods, that Marsh over near Glendale. That way they can get reliable, restaurant-quality food without the hassle of poor service. Another option is to simply skip the meal in question until you can get home and make a dish of pasta or some popcorn."

"It's ugly, I know, the poor service .... but this is the kind of stuff that happens in a city the size of Indianapolis," says Det. Panozzi. "It's a real disgrace."