- by Amanda Brooks Baker
The way I see it, I was innocent, and the guy in the Pathfinder was negligent. Very negligent!
The damage that he caused was beyond belief, and caused me so much trouble and emotional distress, that he should have to pay. They should not let men drive. At least I think it was a guy ...
I was driving east on 86th, just west of River Crossing Boulevard, right near Sullivan's (very overrated, if you ask me, but nice to have as a status symbol in the neighborhood). I had the green light, and proceeded to pilot my Jetta across River Crossing where it changes to Union Chapel Road, right by the lovely green iron trestle bridge by Flemming's and LuLu's. This idiot in a big black Pathfinder pulls off Union Chapel and hangs a right turn in front of me. As I tailed him down 86th, I gave him the "Magic Horn Treatment". After exactly 55 seconds of lounging on the horn, the guy stops, right in the middle of the street! Unbelievable!
Well, if he was willing to get out of the car, so was I. So I jumped out, gave him a nasty glance, and slowly approached his car. I screamed at him that he cut me off illegally and almost caused an accident. He started laughing, almost uncontrollably. I quickly swapped my angry face for a curious smile, and asked this fellow what was so funny. He starts pointing right at my head and cackles that I have lipstick all over my face. I turn and look at my face in the fine, waxy sheen of my Jetta ... and in fact, I do have lipstick streaked across my face! It was all his fault, and he was going to pay! He was going to pay for making me do this to myself. Before I could exit my stupor of disbelief, he quickly hopped back into his nasty truck and took off.
I discreetly tailed him around the neighborhood until he pulled into the parking lot at the Fox & Hound Pub (maybe he needed more beer so he could go out and terrorize more Trixies). After he left his truck, I quietly parked the Jetta right next to it, got out and proceeded to use my lipstick to draw an enormous greasy Trixie Star across the windshield of his truck, as well as several places around the body.
So, girls, if anyone notices a black Pathfinder with a Trixie Star smeared in several places on it, give the guy the horn treatment and a nasty glance for me.
Good luck this week navigating your way around our lovely Village!
