Okay. You've just graduated with a Business Degree from one of the fine Midwestern State Universities, or perhaps even a prestigious Catholic College like Notre Dame or Xavier, and you're moving to Indianapolis. (Where else would a young, self-motivated, independent woman move anyway?) Your dilemma: discovering the best way to find an apartment in Indy befitting your taste and soon-to-be new found status. Unfortunately, the only situation that brings the Trixie to the brink of panic -- besides misplacing her loofah scrub -- is finding a new apartment or house to rent. Should one look in the Star? Should one use
Nuvo? Perhaps
ApartmentGuide.com? Should you spend 75% of your monthly income on rent....?!?!?
Whew!!!! It's all just so darn frustrating, isn't it? Well, the Broad Ripple Trixie Society is dedicated to removing the tiring task of thought from the Trixie's daily routine. Our board members got together one Sunday at Binkley's on College at Kessler; over our three hour brunch with Mimosas and spicy-no-pickle Bloody Marys we compiled a list of vital Apartment Hunting Questions. These questions were promptly distributed to our tasteful and well-groomed membership via email. Below you will find the answers submitted by our busy Trixies. For your convenience, we have ordered the questions and answers numerically in order of importance.
1.) Where is the apartment located? The number one concern of Trixies polled was the location of the apartment in question. Luckily, the BRTS has been generous enough to expand its borders; however, the true Trixie will hear the Call of the Village and try her utmost to establish residence within the "Golden Borders." Nora, Rocky Ripple, Meridian Hills and Williams Creek will suffice; they all contain cute pre-War homes, several trendy restaurants and they are close to a Starbucks but they're "Neighborhoods On The Move" and most Trixies prefer "The Neighborhood That Has Arrived": Broad Ripple. There is simply no substitute for the sweet tang of cash and attitude found in the Broad Ripple air.
2.) Is it near an authentic Pub? This question mattered big time to our membership. Chances are, if it's in Ripple, it's within walking distance of a great Pub. First and foremost, it is very important for meeting potential husbands and boyfriends. Randy young Chads come to Pubs to get drunk on $1.50 Lite beer, wear baseball caps, and look at your legs. What a blessing! Secondly, the Pub is the brain, spinal column and testes of the vital neighborhoods within Broad Ripple. The Pub sponsors a welcoming forum for Trixies to gather with other Trixies after work, order only the finest and most expensive vodkas and gins in your cranberry and tonic-based drinks, and watch your alma mater college teams fail in various televised playoffs. Finally, the Pub provides a place where you may drown your sorrows in alcohol. After Becka, your roommate and "best friend," steals your real estate lawyer boyfriend, you'll find the Pub bar staff extremely understanding and supportive in your time of need.
3.) Do successful-looking men live in the neighborhood? (See number 2 above.)
4.) Is the building pet friendly? Apartment buildings which accept pets are very important. An active Trixie must have a pet, preferably a large dog--either a black lab, golden retriever or, for the truly independent Trixie, a Rhodesian Ridgeback. We name our dogs after Indianapolis landmarks (Ayres, Butler, Riley, Irvington or Kessler) or our favorite drinks (Bailey, Cosmo(politan), Belevedere.) We're just creative that way!! Cats are acceptable but dogs are much preferred: what better way for a Trixie prove her busy professional status than by hiring a dog walking service to take precious Sambuca down to the Canal twice a day? Preferably, the ideal pet-friendly building will have a nice grassy strip directly in front of the door. This allows the Trixie to "walk" the dog on cold winter evenings by letting the beast out through the door via Extend-o-leash; meanwhile, the Trixie stands warm and safe inside the foyer among the dried flowers and glazed vases from Cost Plus. The grassy strip also acts as a convenient repository for dog "nuisance." A true Trixie never touches poo.
5.) How big is the apartment? Here is a toughie. Obviously, larger would be preferable but ultimately floor space is irrelevant as long as it is within the confines of Broad Ripple. Luckily, Trixies have few personal interests inside the home such as painting, writing, sewing or anything that would require extra space. What precious extra floor space we do possess, however, we are willing to sacrifice to large entertainment systems and treadmills. A Trixie needs very little personal living space. We are slender, elf-like creatures after all!! Likewise, the type of apartment is irrelevant: garden apartment, crowded coach house or non-air conditioned studio on the top floor of a four-story walk up. It simply doesn't matter as long as it's in Broad Ripple!!
6.) What is the rent? Without exception, the Trixies polled felt this should be the least of your concerns. Rent should be provided for by a Trixie's husband/boyfriend or parents. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case: many Trixies are forced to temporarily support themselves until better opportunities arise (i.e. an investment banker, trader, trust fund, etc.) This is where you might have to bite the golden bullet. $900 a month for a studio may seem like a lot of money but think about the benefits; status, being seen, blissful homogeneity, sushi -- the list is endless. Simply use your credit cards as a safety raft to float you to the nearest Island of Financial Security!
Understandably, some Trixies working entry level jobs at Bank One or Simon & Associates find living solo too much of a financial burden. In this situation, we recommend moving in with several Trixie roommates. Old high school friends and sorority sisters will suffice, as will work acquaintances. Regardless of personal habits, attempt to choose roommates who look as much like you as possible. This will practically guarantee someone will meet a cute financial analyst at the local Pub (see number 2 above.) The density of Trixies Per Apartment (the TPA ratio) varies upon the number of bedrooms. The following guidelines are BRTS tested and approved but please feel free to use your own exquisite judgment: two Trixies can live harmoniously in a studio, up to three Trixies and one large dog in a two-bedroom, and four to five Trixies and two large dogs in a three-bedroom. While some would consider these living arrangements unacceptable, a Trixie is a trooper; living in such conditions allows one to practice tolerant, fake smiles, the theft of contact lens solution and the gratuitous use of the term "best friend" when referring to your roommates. But all Trixies must remember: the real estate in Broad Ripple is obviously worth it. Otherwise it wouldn't be so expensive. If you wanted larger bedrooms and fewer than three roommates, you'd live in more dangerous neighborhoods like Irvington or Fountain Square.
The board members, and the Society at large, sincerely hope this guide helps you chose the most geographically prestigious, if not the most comfortable, apartment possible. And one final tip for the apartment-seeking Trixie: often Trixie-approved buildings have a TrixieStar discreetly placed somewhere on the facade -- in a stained glass window above the door, in the Terra Cotta architectural details, or even carved into the bole of a tree out front with a Jetta key. Keep your eyes open!! We wish you the best of luck!
